Cruise Jokes: 10 Funny Things Cruisers Say

Yes, it’s true. You do hear some of the funniest and strangest things on a cruise. And yes, every single one of the 10 things on our list has been said by at least one (if not hundreds) person on a cruise ship. We recommend not drinking anything while you’re reading this – wouldn’t want to ruin your computer or mobile screen!

When it comes to cruise jokes, sometimes we cruisers are actually the biggest joke of all…

1. Where does the crew sleep at night? Oh, there are so many funny answers to this question. I’ll admit on my first cruise – where I knew nothing about cruising – I did wonder where the crew stayed. But I wondered where on board they stayed. Many cruisers don’t realize every ship has crew quarters and so the question is asked at least once a cruise.

2. Is this when they pretend to sink the ship now? On the way to safety briefing during a recent cruise, I heard the boy walking behind me ask his dad this question. It was all I could do to not burst out laughing immediately. Oh the things kids say. On cruises.

3. Is the toilet water salt water or fresh water? Why do you want to know this question? I suppose it’s not a ‘dumb’ question per se, but what does it matter anyway? Inquiring minds may want to know, but you’re going to do the same thing to the toilet whether it’s salt water or fresh water.

4. Does the elevator go to the front of the ship?  Why yes, it does. How did you guess this cruise ship has an elevator (which literally means ‘a thing that raises’) that does something no other elevator in the world can do? Instead, check your ship map and find the best way to walk there.

5. Did this ship ever sink? Yeah, you’ve seen Titanic or Poseidon one too many times if you’re asking this question. If this ship had sunk, we most definitely wouldn’t be sailing on it today. We’d be watching the National Geographic special where they explore the wreckage.

6. What happens to the ice sculptures when they melt? Uh…the key word in your question is melt. Have you heard the song from Frozen about the snowman in summer? It’s called water and the ice sculpture ceases to exist. Other than the ice sculpture demonstration done outside on Lido, the sculptures are normally carved in a freezer and typically only last a few hours.

7. What time is the midnight buffet? Yeah. Really. Though in some defense of this question, cruise ships do offer different types of buffets at different times of the day. But the midnight buffet – well, that’s at midnight.

8. The Captain’s at the Celebration party, so who’s steering the ship? I giggle when I hear this question, because honestly, I thought this for a few minutes on my first cruise. I had no clue how the navigation or technical part of the ship worked. But then I noticed lots of officers in those spiffy white uniforms and realized there’s definitely more than one person capable of driving the boat. Plus, in Titanic, Captain Smith left the bridge to go to bed before that fateful iceberg interfered on Murdoch’s watch (OK – maybe Titanic’s not the best example here!)

9. How will I know what pictures are mine? You know how it goes on a cruise ship, the ship’s photographers start snapping your picture the minute you step into the cruise terminal and doesn’t stop until your ship’s card is officially shut down for debarkation. Most ships display all of the photos they’ve taken so you can browse and buy your best photos. But I hear this question on almost every ship and it’s hard to resist the urge to actually answer this one for fellow passengers. Let’s just hope they figure it out.

10. Where can I fish on this ship? Ah, if only it were this easy to get ‘fresh’ seafood on a ship. But alas, no fishing from your cruise ship. Try a deep-sea fishing shore excursion in one of your ports if you really need to get a fishing fix in.